


Plus-Size My Fat Ass!

by Círtolthiel (Adirah)



Series: Red vs Blue Reader Insert Collection! [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 03:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13941708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adirah/pseuds/C%C3%ADrtolthiel
Summary: Who else loves some gender swaps? I know I do! This is the first in a series of Red vs Blue self insert fics as I feel the fanfiction community for RVB is severely lacking in that area! Now this is NOT a true self insert. I am not inserting myself (mayyyybe a little), but only trying to write from a perspective that makes it easier for the reader to imagine it is them. I won't have any of the "(insert your eye color)" or "(insert your hair color)" specifically written in, but feel free to read it as such! If it says "I brushed my long brown hair" and you have spiky green hair, then change it around in your head all you'd like! I only do this because I find that using the insert options or the Y/N stuff rips me right out of a story and I'm sure there's more out there who feel the same.





	1. Let Me Out, I'm Stuck In Your Closet

**Author's Note:**

> I may add more chapters and get more in depth with a relationship. Please let me know what you think! Also some of the characters I tagged may not have shown up yet, BUT should I continue with another chapter, I'm sure they will come in.
> 
> Funny story here. I had to delete the original upload of this because I accidentally linked my smut to my mother. I was worried I didn't have Chapter 1 saved to my computer so I panicked a little. Luckily AO3 sends a text file of a story when you delete it. They are lifesavers.

                You and Grif had always been on good terms, despite her being on the Red team and you on Blue. Everyone on both teams were either stupid, uptight, or some mixture of both. Well except for Church. He was just angry. But everyone came to the understanding that if you left Church alone, he left you alone, which is exactly why you had left, opting to deal with Red team rather than listen to him lose his head over Caboose’s latest blunder.

                As usual, you brought your friendly offering of Oreos and milk which you had snuck from the kitchen. Grif had been saving up the cookies, licked clean of the filling, for months and you knew that if she didn’t finish them soon, she’d get sick off of them.

                Quietly, you snuck into the barracks, shaking her awake. “Huh? Hmmm? Sarge. I need my beauty sleep,” she groaned, rolling over and pulling the pillow over her head. With quick hands, you stuck a cookie in her mouth before the pillow covered it. Immediately, she sat up, still half asleep, but chewing the cookie regardless. You laughed a bit as she swallowed and she came to, turning towards you. “Oh! Hey girl! You brought cookies!”

                “Damn right I did. And milk. Where’s your stash? You need to finish it off.” She got up, and walked into her closet. She got the largest, as Simmons was easily tricked into accepting terrible deals, which was great for you. When you snuck over, you’d have somewhere to hang out. Once inside, the light was turned on and Grif locked the door behind, slipping the key into a pocket. “Why the hell does your closet have a lock again?” you asked, genuinely forgetting. “So those assholes don’t get into my food! I keep my mini fridge in here.”

                You sat down, setting the cookies and milk on the floor in front of you. Grif pulled the string to turn on the light. “This closet could be a bedroom. Why don’t you just live in here?” She grinned, “I do. Why else do you think I’m barely ever with those idiots attacking your base?” It was true. Every day, though it felt like every other hour, the Red team had some convoluted plan that usually ended in disaster. Grif was rarely present for that. She tended to laze about all day, eating whatever she could get her hands on. It definitely contributed to her less than fit figure.

                She wasn’t obese though. Maybe running for her life from the few plans that she was involved in helped even things out. That and Sarge’s unnatural desire for her suffering. She just liked her ass kissed and Grif wasn’t going to be a part of that.

                As per usual, you two just hung out and relaxed in the closet for a while, occasionally slipping out to use the toilet, but finally, it was time to go. “I should head out. I’m sure the others will be looking for me.” Grif grumbled, “Yeah I guess.” She stood to open the door but seemed to pause. “Uh, hey, I really do need to go,” you told her. She turned hesitated a moment before admitting, “I, uh, think I dropped the key. I may have kicked it under the door.” What? The key was outside? How the hell were either of you supposed to get out now? This door was solid steel, a design choice that surely Sarge was in charge of.

                “Maybe if I hide inside the clothes you can beat on the door and someone will open it. I can sneak out after you draw them away.” She agreed and started banging on the door, but after about fifteen minutes, she gave up. It was obvious what the issue was. Red team was gone, pulling off, or attempting to pull off, some stupid scheme against Blue team. “Looks like we’re stuck here,” sighed the now sweaty Grif.

                Her clothes were soaked with sweat, and she tried fanning herself, but to no avail. It was just too hot now. Without a word, Grif removed her sweatpants and shirt, leaning against the cold door in her underwear. You bit your lip. Though you had never brought it up before, you were into women, and you always felt some strange attraction to Grif. You were just friends, right? All you did was hang out and eat together, right? No way there was anything else going on, right? Well, no time like the present to find out.

                As you began to lean in, stealthily going for a kiss, the light went out. “Damnit!” you heard her shout, “Why NOW of all times?” Perfect. In the dark you might be able to get that kiss. You might be able to figure out just what weird emotions these were. Now if you could just find her face. And score!

                She froze up for a moment, just a tad surprised. “Did you just… kiss me?” she asked. How else were you supposed to answer? No? “Damn right I just did.”

                The thought processed in her mind for a minute or two before she responded, “Okay.” You understood that to mean everything was fine, and were fortunately correct. This time her lips met yours with no hesitation. Perhaps she had been hiding some feelings as well. Hands began to wander and you both traced your fingers over the other’s skin. While hers came to rest underneath your shirt and the back of your bra, yours made their way promptly to her ass, groping her cheeks gently. She stood up, not leaning against the door any longer, but you pushed her back into it, keeping her in place.

                Her hands began sliding again, one awkwardly sliding down your pants while the other slid up the front of your shirt. Your lips left hers and slid down her neck and to her shoulder, where you bit at her playfully before suckling at her skin. A soft moan escaped Grif’s lips as her head fell back against the door, resulting in a thud. Unfortunately for you two, someone had heard, and with a few jiggles of the handle, the door swung open.

                You both toppled out the door, much to the surprise of Simmons. “S-Sarge!” she yelled, voice cracking as she fled. Grif was disappointed, as were you, but you wasted no time getting up and making your way to the door. “At least we’re both out of the closet now,” you reasoned, winking seductively at the hot and bothered mess you had to leave behind. “Maybe we can finish this later.”

                As you walked out the door, you heard a shaky, “Y-yeah.”


	2. I Don't Think You Understand What Lesbian Means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay Okay so a few words here. I have NEVER written any masturbation type stuff so please let me know if I can improve in any way. Also, the name that Tucker calls the female character, that is her last name so any first name you want to apply to that is good. Since they all call each other by last names, as it is a military setting, I just picked a common last name. It is also the name of my kitty. Anywho, it could be a WHILE before another chapter. I just wrote this because I was up all night and couldn't sleep.

                You hurried back towards the Blue Base, careful to stay out of sight of the Reds. Simmons was a problem though. You would have to deal with her later. Perhaps you could somehow buy her silence, or threaten her. You didn’t like to brag, but you were in the best shape of any of the blues and likely the reds, so you could easily intimidate the scrawny girl. Neither you nor Grif would benefit from the others finding out that Simmons had discovered you two making out in a closet.

                Your thoughts of scaring Simmons into silence had kept you occupied, and before you knew it, you were already back at Blue Base. The walk had been peaceful, quiet even, but now you could barely hear your own thoughts. It seemed like Tucker and Church were having a shouting match on the roof; something about the damn sniper rifle.

                “Hey can you keep it down?! I’m going to take a nap!” They came down from the roof, still arguing but quieter. “Why don’t I ever get the sniper rifle? Seriously you couldn’t hit a brick wall!” Tucker argued. Church held the gun away from the other man. “You know what, Tucker? Fuck you. There are bullet holes in the Red Base walls that say otherwise. Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch I’d let you use the sniper rifle.” You couldn’t see his face but from his reaction, you could tell Tucker just lit up with excitement, “Really?!” Without missing a beat Church replied, “No. Go fuck yourself.” You barely held back a snicker as Church walked off.

                Making your way through the base, you had almost reached your room when Tucker ran up behind you. “Hey Jones, do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you,” he flirted, terribly, “Bow chicka bow wow.” Oh god, how much worse could he make it? You were only slightly annoyed when you responded, “Tucker you are wearing state of the art military armor. If you scraped your knee in that, you really are a special kind of stupid. Besides, we’ve been over this before. I am a lesbian.”

                You had almost gotten your door open when he put his hand on the door frame, blocking your path. He had removed his helmet and waggled his eyebrows at you. “Well I’m a lesbian too. Let’s be lesbians together.” You rolled your eyes. “Tuc-” was all you got out before he interrupted you, “Bow chicka bow wow.” With a sigh you made sure he was finished before continuing, “Tucker I don’t think you totally grasp what a lesbian is, and I am not in the mood to describe it to you. You know what? Go ask Caboose. I told him last week. He took notes.”

                Laughing internally, you entered your room, slamming the door and locking it. That Tucker would say anything to get laid. It would be great if he actually went to ask Caboose. Enough about them, you shook your head. What about the deal back at Red Base? Your heart began to race again as you thought about Grif. Of course you were into women, but you never thought Grif would be anything more than just a friend. You didn’t even know if she was into chicks, but remembering how hot and bothered she had been when you left quickly silenced those fears. ‘Oh she’s totally into me,’ you assured yourself.

                With that, you threw off your armor and jumped on your bed. You were tired but for some reason couldn’t settle down to sleep. Sliding your shorts off, you laid there in your underwear, gently rubbing your fingers over the fabric covering your flesh. God, how you wanted to just get it over with, but could you get away with it in the middle of the day? Normally you only masturbated at night, when everyone was asleep. It couldn’t hurt to try.

                The friction over the panties only turned you on more, finally causing you to shed your remaining clothes. As you slowly circled two fingers around your clit, you bit your lip, trying to stall the rush of arousal for as long as possible. You thought about Grif, about kisses trailing down her neck, about suckling on her surprisingly perky nipples, and you could barely hold back gasp of pleasure as you finally began to finger yourself. As one hand continued circling, the other thrust in and out.

                You noticed your quiet moans getting louder and attempted to quiet down, though each time your mind wandered back to Grif, the volume increased. Damnit! Why did she have to be so, so perfect?! Okay perfect is a pretty extreme term, but fuck! Her cute chubby face, wide eyes, flawless skin, not to mention her soft breasts. The way she got excited when you brought treats, or how flustered she got when griping about Sarge or Simmons. If only she knew what she was doing to you by just existing.

                Your speed and voice both rose, and by this point, you had given up on quieting down. You couldn’t stop now! You needed your release! Screw what the others thought! As you reached your peak you cried out, feeling the exhaustion in your hands but refusing to stop. The tension your body had built up released all at once, finally causing you to lay back on the bed, your hands falling to your sides. Controlled breaths were all you focused on now, trying to slow your breathing. Even so, you couldn’t wait to see Grif again and pinch at that cute round butt.

                Sleep was slowly creeping in. You had wanted to take a nap, so this was no issue, as long as you could dream of her. A smile formed on your lips as you laid there but faded when you heard it, the inevitable, which caused you to sigh in irritation.

                “Bow chicka bow wow!”

                Goddamnit.


End file.
